Happy 5th Anniversary, Steve.

Thursday, December 22, 2011



Today is my fifth anniversary.  I know I've said this (ad nauseam, no doubt) but I have come a long way.  Steve and I together have come a long way.  The kids have come a long way.  In both maturity and literal growth--I mean, Lindsey was such a little one!  Hardly out of nighttime diapers.  When I look at pictures from our wedding and see my grinny, red-lipped self, I think, "She had no idea what this was all about."   I talk about this in chapter 4 of the love story, but it's worth touching on again.  When I say I had no idea what it was all about, it doesn't mean I'd change it.  It just means... I had no idea what my future held.  What it'd feel like.  And yes, how hard it would be.  

Blogs (most of them, anyway) show the beautiful side of life.  Rarely does a blogger post pictures of herself in her pajamas, with spinach in her teeth, hair a mess, pissed at the world cause she and her husband just got in a fight.  We don't always talk about how our kitchen sink is full of soggy food, how a healthy dinner hasn't really been cooked in a week, how we're just plain sick of our kids fighting and sort of wish the school day was longer.  We portray what we want.  Even though I am a blogger, I am the girl behind this whole thing and very well know that I put what I want out there, I look at other blogs and think, "Damn, she's got it together.  How does she do it?"  I should realize, seeing as I do this myself, that it can very well all be a ruse.  A good one, no doubt, because who wants to look at crappy images?  Who wants to be uninspired?  But a ruse, nevertheless.  

There've been posts on this blog that try to stray from that perfection.  To talk about the difficulties of life, raising kids, being in a marriage, getting no sleep (I know I can be all, "It was fun!  We went to Wendy's!  Parker should always keep me up all night so we can have such fun dates all the time!"  But, at 3 am, you can trust that I want my sleep just as much as you do.).  Judging by the comments on those real-life posts, it seems we need more of them in the blog-world.  More people willing to air their dirty laundry.  It makes us all relate on some common level.  I can't say I'm hiding too much.  I am genuinely content most of the time.  I often look at my life and think, "I'm in want of very little and I am grateful."  I have the people I love most close to me (or just a phone call away), a roof over my head, and limbs that take me to and fro.  But, that's beside the point... as I said, there's enough of that already.  So, on anniversary number 5 I thought I'd open a couple cans of worms and talk about marriage: the good, the bad, the ugly.

I seriously like being married (not a promising start to dirty-laundry-airing.  Don't worry, the underwears are comin' out!).  There are times when a certain song comes on the radio and I pick up the phone to call Steve and tell him, "I love you so much and I love being married to you."  And guess what?  Sometimes he answers the phone and is all, "I have to go, I have a lot of work to do, stop calling me."  Alright, he's only done that a few times, and this is not Steve-bashing time, so we'll cut him some slack (plus, he's never said, "Stop calling me."  That'd just be mean.).  But, you get the picture.  It's not always sunshine-and-roses.  When the love song begins, sometimes, it ends.  Abruptly.  I think there are too many people these days who think marriage is a cake-walk.  And then, excuse me, shit hits the fan, and they're wondering what they did, why they did it, how they can get out of it, and oh-my-gosh-I-hate-this-person-I-married.  To love someone, Steve told me once (this, too, might have been over a Baja Fresh burrito), is a decision.  The feelings come and go.  When you're in the middle of a brawl, you're not feeling especially lovey (you don't say!).  You're feeling more, oh, like punching someone (Him! Spare the kids!  Spare the dog!) in the face.  That's when the choice is key.  You choose to love.  And choose to stay.  It's key.

We've had some wicked fights in our five years together.  I remember crying in our bathroom once thinking ever-so-dramatically, "NO OTHER MARRIED COUPLE FIGHTS THIS BAD.  WE FIGHT MORE THAN ANY OTHER COUPLE IN THE HISTORY OF COUPLES."  This particular fight took place on the way to a grocery store.  He disciplined the oldest one way, I thought it should go another, he disagreed, I felt undermined, so on and so forth.  We reached the grocery store but had reached no conclusion.  He got out of the car to go into the store and I sat there.  I was not going to go shop with the man!  He was horrible!  How could he just mosey on into the grocery store like we were pleased as punch to be wed?!  I'd be darned to just sit there stewing while he was in the store and then drive home with him.  It was raining and we were over a mile from the house.  I got out of the car and started walking.  I walked all the way home, along major roads, cussing at him in my head the whole way (sad picture, isn't it?).  "That'll teach him!"  I thought.  "Leaving a fight before we've reached a conclusion!  Who does he think he is!"  I eventually reached home and we eventually got over our fight. But for a long time,  I was ashamed to even talk about it... that fight, and all the other fights.  Then, when I let my guard down, I found out from a friend that she too had wicked fights with her husband!  Yay!  That there were times when she wanted to kill him.  Double-yay!  It was like a breath of fresh air.  "Other couples have ugly fights too."  I needed to know that.  It freed me.  So, in case you're in that place right now, let me free you.  It's normal.  Fighting is good and important.  Equally important is making up, apologizing, feeling the love again.  Letting your kids see you fight and make up is as important as teaching them to share, to be compassionate, to love one another (of course, some fights are better behind closed doors, but you get the picture.).  

So, why am I saying all this?  So you know that it's okay to fight, life is not perfect, you've got to choose to love (choose your love and love your choice), choose to stay, and work to keep a healthy marriage.   And I'm not saying this works for all marriages.  Some marriages shouldn't be in the first place and their endings are good things.  But I'm not talking about those.  I'm talking about the rest of them.  Despite some wretched fights in the past, I am totally into my husband.  He's hilarious and sweet and we genuinely enjoy each other.  I know his needs better than I used to and he knows mine.  We complement one another and encourage each other and... you get it.  He's great and I'm glad he's mine.  But, it didn't come without its work and difficulties.  And it didn't come overnight.  But it gets better with age, I think.

Not that you already didn't know all that.  But just in case you didn't, I'm glad to have told you.

Love you, Steve.  Happy fifth anniversary!

89 comments:

  1. we have dramatic over the top fights sometimes, but usually it's just both of us reaching our boiling point with a stressful day.

    and honestly, if our relationship was all lovey-dovey all the time, it wouldn't be real. it's be boring.

    and let's face it, making up might be the best part ;)

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  2. Happy Anniversary! Loved this! Sometimes I struggle with writing the real stuff because I know people just want to read the happy and cheery posts. But a lot of the time you have to be real in order for people to remember that you are human. Thanks for this reminder, Bridget!

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  3. I have been fighting half of last night, I have been furious for the rest of it. Today we seem to walk on eggshells, but between all this anger, there is a lot of love. I love him and he loves me. Period. And I love you for this post. Spot on!

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  4. what a great post Bridget. of course people put out the image that everything is alright even when it may not be. with my friends and family i am a very wear my heart on my sleeve type person. so most of the time what you see is what you get. i've never understood why people pretend something that isn't. it's just confusting. i may be a bit naive at times and I admit it.

    either way it all comes down to honesty and respect in a relationship. and yes, choosing to love one another each and everyday.

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  5. @annton, been there!! hope your day looks up :)

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  6. I've totally had that happen to me where I call with some exciting news and he's all, I'm in the middle of something. That sound is the sound of my bubble bursting.

    Honestly I wished we fought more. We're both the type to "keep it in" so that when we do fight it looks more like him calling me ridiculous and throwing up his hands and me probably being ridiculous because NOW'S MY CHANCE to say what I need to say.

    Anyway, happy five years! Mike and I are coming up on two...such babies.

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  7. @elizabeth, i have made steve practice his happy-to-hear-your-voice-on-the-line-wifey greeting.

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  8. i like this post! i think a lot of people have this idea of what marriage *should* be. and then you get there and you're like WHAT!? no one fights as much as we do! we must have a horrible marriage! we're doomed!

    sort of like when i was growing up and my parents were just in awe of how awful my sister and i treated each other. they couldn't believe that other siblings were just as mean. we even got the ONE DAY WE WILL BE DEAD AND YOU WILL ONLY HAVE EACH OTHER talk. (we're friends now)

    happy anniversary!

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  9. I think the best part about posts like this is it reminds us that we're not alone. Thank you.

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  10. Bridget, what a great post. I really resonated with everything you said. Not because I've been married 5 years (only 1.5), but because I've seen what happens when you don't cultivate a marriage and resolve fights and work at it, etc. My parents divorced a few months ago and it was heartbreaking for me...but it also showed me what NOT to do and made me that much more determined to work at my own marriage.
    I also resonated with the whole opening yourself up to the blogger world and sharing what's going on, not just the good stuff. It took alot of courage for me to start writing about my parents' divorce and how I've handled it as an adult. I feared that people would look down upon me and my family if I posted what I've been going through. Instead, people were very supportive. Like you said, I think it's refreshing when people post about struggles in their lives and show how they're working through it. It gives others in the same situation hope.
    So with all that said...thank you and congrats on 5 years!

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  11. This is exactly what I needed to read. Thank you for your honesty and openness. When my fiance and I get into fights I sometimes think "is this normal? should we be fighting like this? what's wrong with us?" but I'm so glad that in other great relationships there is fighting too. Happy anniversary to you both!

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  12. oh, well happy anniversary right back to ya!!

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  13. My husband and I have been married 6 1/2 years and we still have some wicked fights (we had one last night!!!). I'm not afraid to admit we fight but sometimes I do feel like people think if we fight occasionally we can't possibly be as happy as I say we are. But we are! We are very very happy with each other and our marriage but there are times that stress gets to us. And most of the time it's not even each other that really is the issue, it's other things but we use each other as "punching bags" to release stress. I'm glad to hear that other happily married couples fight as well sometimes!

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  14. Happy anniversary! Everybody fights. :) That is in our nature. My marriage is almost perfect, but hey, we fight sometimes too! Life can be sometimes tough. Have a beutiful anneversary day.

    Sandy

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  15. Bridget, I really appreciate the honesty in this post. On a guest post you wrote that same quote (Choose your love, love your choice), and as someone who will embark on the journey of marriage sometime in the pretty near future, I reminded myself to hold onto it. You're right that a lot of bloggers portray their lives as perfect. And sometimes it's inspiring but sometimes I think it can also be a little unhealthy (for me, the reader). Comparison is a dirty game and I have to remind myself that blogging is not a comparing game, but rather a place to connect and share tidbits about whatever it is you want to share tidbits about.

    Anyway, thanks for being real. It is a breath of fresh air. Really, it is.

    And, I'm always the pouty one who refuses to move during a fight. Darn me for being an immature fighter (but I know no other way)!

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  16. Love this post. I often run into so many couples whom it seems, put on such a facade with the "oh we rarely fight" chatter...and then I kind of want to punch them.

    I read so much of myself in this - how something will remind me of Simone and I think "God I love her" and so I'll call and I get the same "seriously babe is it important? I'm busy."

    How "tragic" so many of our fights in the past seemed and the crying and the bathroom floor - oh lord how I've been there.

    It took me probably too long to realize relationships aren't always full of roses. Thanks for keeping it real.

    Happy Anniversary to you and Steve:)

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  17. i love your honesty.

    happy anniversary!! xo

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  18. Happy Anniversary! Awesome, it's so encouraging to look back and see where we've grown and knowing when those bumps come we've got what it takes to stick it out. I absolutely love the honesty in this post. Thank you so much! Now make Steve do something fabulous for you :)

    XOXO,
    Angie from Ohio

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  19. i loved this post and so needed to read this today, as I just got in a huge fight with my husband about cleaning the house. (COME ON!) defintely made me feel less on the verge of a divorce over dusting.

    happy anniversary to you and steve! here's to many more years and cute babies!

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  20. you are a breath of fresh air.
    this was great to hear :)

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  21. @L, hi! it's been awhile and i miss ya. and yeah, they all fight (some more, some less, no doubt). it's just that they're not all honest, i think. let's punch em!

    @roxanne, love that quote!

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  22. When I saw the long blog post, I thought about skipping for later. I'm glad I didn't. This was good, very good. I'm all about the honest.

    Happy Anniversary! Marriage is hard. And another year is something to celebrate.

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  23. you are right, fighting sometimes is good for a healthy marriage, but that should follow up with a good make up :).

    happy anniversary!!!

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  24. Gosh I just love the hell out of you, Bridget. I remember coming across your blog and loving how much "real" you put into it.
    Happy anniversary to the both of you!

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  25. Happy 5th Anniversary to you both!
    Marriage. Hardest thing in the world.

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  26. Favorite part: "you have to choose to love." So wise...

    For the record, I so strongly prefer blogs that are real and put it all out there....so much more compelling than "Everything is perfect over here." Although I'm sure I could do more of that myself on my blog. It's hard to be vulnerable!

    Happy Anniversary!

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  27. You nailed this thing, sister.

    I remember being slumped over a bowl full of Halloween candy we were suppose to be handing out to our Very First Trick or Treaters As A Married Couple! bawling my eyes out after an epic fight, thinking, we aren't gonna make it through this night.

    But we did. With a bowl full of candy that nary a trick or treater ever saw.

    Happy No. 5 to you and Steve Hunt!

    (our no. 5 is in Jan, what, what!)

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  28. what a beautiful post. I'm not married yet (not even close it to be honest) but I agree :-) It's a choice and it's work and it's good work.

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  29. i LOVE this bridget. your honesty is so refreshing. i too felt this way my first year married (minus the four extra kids). we fought loud and we fought a lot. i remember calling a marriage counselor crying and saying 'we fight all the time!!!' and we went to 2 counseling session and she was all 'you guys are going through totally normal things. these are called roommate issues' and she didn't make anymore appts for us. after that i started talking to my mom, jon's mom, and my other married friends about this and found out everyone else had these arguments too!!!
    i too feel like we have learned a lot in five years, and i look at marriage in a totally different light now. it really is a partnership. teamwork. not everyday is amazing and passionate and full of love. but we learn more and more about each other with each passing day and there is no way i would give in on that.
    thanks for sharing! happy anniversary!!

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  30. Wow. Incredible post, bridget. I love it.

    I was JUST talking about this subject the other night with a close friend of mine (who is getting divorced after two years of marriage and is your age.) QUITE interesting, I tell you.

    And p.s. I miss Baja Fresh.

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  31. i love your honesty. it's very refreshing. i just went on a blog rant recently about similar subjects.

    xo
    sami

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  32. Happy anni! Which is harder, marriage or parenthood? 'Cause for me, it's a total draw.

    Hope you have some lovely celebratory plans.

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  33. So true! My husband and I rarely fight but when it does happen I'm a "tad" emotional about it all. Thanks for opening up more.

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  34. Okay, truth? My husband and I rarely fight, but when that rarely comes out about once a year (been married almost eight) it's battle. We get really really mad. I figure it's all the "not fighting" we've done all year. Ha ha

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  35. The course of true love never did run smooth - Shakespeare

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  36. Bridget - THIS is why I love you. :) I remember feeling exactly this way when my husband and I had a fight on our honeymoon. OUR HONEYMOON! Surely this was not normal. Over the past couple of years I've learned that being able to fight and make up, and learn from it all... that's what all this marriage stuff is about. I should say, learning that you can love someone and fight and be mad at the same time too, that's key.

    And as an aside, you're brave for addressing this issue of dishonesty in the blogosphere. (Not that it's on purpose, or well.. not always.) but way too many bloggers only show the shiny sides of their lives. I was guilty of it too. It's too bad, because honesty really is what people want and resonate with.

    I adore you! Keep it up.

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  37. I love this post Bridget. My husband and I had a first year of marriage with some real big fights. I was thinking "If we are fighting this bad now, what is it going to be like for the rest of our lives?!?" Wow, have we done a 180. Yes, we still have conflict, but now know to expect conflict and more importantly how to work through it. For some reason society has raised us to think that you have to work hard for school, for your job, to succeed in so many other aspects of life, but many people think that you are supposed to marry someone and it should just work if you are truly right for each other. So not the case, it takes even more work than all those other things! Anyway, as many people above have stated, I really appreciate you being so honest. It does help to know that you are not the only one out there. Couples fighting is normal.

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  38. Thanks. Thanks for posting this. Getting married in May and it feels nice to hear the truth and other sides to a marriage spoken. You're doing such a great job in my eyes. I wish you two many many more years of love and happiness.
    Best,
    Tori
    apeasme.blogspot.com

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  39. Choosing to love and choosing to stay is seriously what it takes. But, it's always good to know that marriage isn't all roses either. Even with that, I think it's the best thing invented. :)

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  40. Thanks! Good reminder that every day we are given a new opportunity to choose. It's not perfect around here either.....not even close. But it works.

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  41. Thank you for this! I love your blog and I identify with so much of what you write. I have one child of my own, and I married a widower with one child of his own, we are now expecting our first together. We have also come so far since we first got married, when we naively expected blended family bliss and no hard work. We've had terrible fights (almost invariably about blended family parenting issues) but it has been so worth it.

    Anyway, I cannot tell you how good it makes me feel to read about someone going through something similar and coming out the better for it.

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  42. I love that you walked home in the rain from the grocery store. I too have reached this same point and tried to walk home from places. But usually much farther than a mile from my home, so it wasn't as effective.

    And I love that when you look at Steve today, you still get that broad, adorable, (sometimes red lipped) silly grin that you had permanently on your face your entire wedding day. And that now, it lets everyone around you see the love overflowing in your heart.

    You are a beautiful wife and a lovely example of marriage, through the good, the bad, and the ugly.

    p.s. I accidentally reminded my husband this morning that it was your anniversary before wishing him a happy 30th birthday! whoops. Not my best move.

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  43. angry, fighting sarah is the most ridiculous human ever. the things that go through my head! I am sooo dramatic.

    anyway, thanks for this post and your honesty. it is normal to fight!

    annnnd lastly, happy anniversary Hunts!

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  44. Happy Anniversary!
    I kind of had to teach my husband how to fight- haha. I come from a family that fights, makes up and loves each other more because of it. While his was the type to keep it in and act as nothing happened- WASPs. When we had our first fight it was pathetic in I was all upset and he was just sitting there saying nothing. We have now progressed to the fight, make up and love each other more- thankfully.

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  45. Bridget, I adore this. I love the way you love each other and I love the way that wins out in the end. It's hard to say "this is the kind of marriage I want" to anyone, but I do want the love and trust and understanding and appreciation you and Steve have for one another. The promise you two made to each other with a handshake makes my heart swell with love and hope. Even when it is harder than you ever imagined, it seems you guys then realize you are STRONGER than you ever imagined.

    Happy Anniversary! And thank you for the honesty so many others leave out of the picture :)

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  46. THis was such a refreshing post to read. I have only been married for 1.5 years but we too have had our "moments" (which can last hours). I remember the first month of our marriage was really hard. We didn't understand how to live together and we realized we knew less about each other than we had anticipated. BUt always there was this sense of love, or remembrance for the inspiration that brought us together. I always think of the quote, "In the depth of winter I finally learned that there was in me (or us) an invincible summer." The deep of winter is worth it for the glorious summer that we can enjoy together.
    Happy Anniversary!

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  47. Thanks for this post, Bridget. Your honesty is refreshing and I'm so glad you're sharing about the reality of marriage--the good, the bad, AND the ugly :)
    As a marriage & family therapy therapist in training, I've been learning about a psychologist (John Gottman, maybe you've heard of him?) who has been studying marriages for over 30 years. I was surprised/relieved/mucho delighted when I learned that couples who verbally fight are MUCH less apt to divorce than those who don't. Huh. Makes sense, right? Gotta let the yuck out rather than letting it stew. And really, isn't it more about how we fight than whether or not we do it?

    Anyway, just wanted to share that not only is your experience completely valid, but research even supports it! Ha ha ha. Isn't that what you've always wanted to hear?! Love ya, Bridget! You're one of my faves :)

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  48. Agree times 1000 :) Disney relationships aren't all they are cracked up to be, real, raw, workin-it-out relationships are what dreams are made of! Here's to you guys on your fifth, oh happy day!

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  49. I love your blog! I always look forward to your posts, your genuine honesty, your candor and humor. Have a happy happy anniversary Bridget, and a wonderful holiday time with your family. Keep up the inspiration :)

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  50. aww, lovely post bridget. and for the record FOR SHO the Mr and I fight. and make up. and love. and I guess I just assume that every couple does more or less that too. it's only natural.

    happy anniversary and happy christmas!! yay for your first chrissie with parker!

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  51. This is a great post...and happy anniversary!

    Amen on the truthful blogging and what not. Sadly I started my blog soon after my marriage was/is crumbling. I admit I still leave some things out...make a sad depressing day into not so bad...but if we've decided to share our story with the world...why hide what our world is really like.

    I LOVE my husband...more than anything..sadly he's changed his mind. I'm a believer in marriage and I LOVE/D being married. While I am still married and thought we were working on it..I'm afraid that may no longer be the case.

    But...couples fight and make up...you learn from it. I agree, you choose to love, choose to stay, choose to work on it. I think leaving and not working on it is a copout...butto each their own, right??

    Thank you for sharing!

    xo,

    Dani

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  52. As many of others have said before me - thanks. It is refreshing to see this, when sometimes I feel that EVERYONE has a perfect life, and I that I got the short stick. Marriage IS hard work.

    Again, Thanks!

    Life, Love, and Roses

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  53. Thanks for this wonderfully honest and refreshing post Bridget.
    Things have been feeling a bit rough in my relationship lately and I often feel that everyone elses relationships seem so perfect and glossy - so why isn't mine??
    So thank you again, I really needed this post. Happy Anniversary to you and Steve and I hope your family has a lovely Christmas. Parker's first Christmas! He is simply adorable.

    Elise X

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  54. I loved this post. Truly. I hate fighting, and as much as I can participate in, or instigate, or lose control in a fight, I still freak out sometimes and think we must be the worst couple in the world because we're fighting. Thank you for freeing me!

    http://radiowaltz.blogspot.com/

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  55. This post was so great. So many times I've wondered if we are the only ones to fight the way we have. So comforting to know we're not alone!

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  56. So beautifully said. I also agree on the part of fighting (appropriately of course) in front of the kiddos; they need to see us love, fight, and make up to learn the healthy and developmental process of being in a relationship.

    Happy anniversary!

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  57. so sweet. it's so nice to hear someone being real about marriage, but also encouraging. we're getting a bunch of shit, thinking about getting married at 21, but i know we can do it. we both know it's a decision, not just a wishy washy feeling thing. you two seem like a genuine example of true love and a real marriage :)

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  58. "choose your love and love your choice" - I love that!! so true.

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  59. happy anniversary! like everyone else has said, i appreciate the honesty. chris and i will celebrate five years in two weeks. i feel a lot like you - it gets better with age, it takes a lot of work and it often just takes making the choice to make it work. it's hard, but gosh, it's great too.

    hope you guys enjoyed your day :)

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  60. i love this post. it IS good to know other couples fight, it makes you feel much more 'normal' and not so alone. "choosing to love and choosing to stay" is some great advice. sometimes you need a mantra like that to see your way out of a fight..


    happy anniversary to you and steve!

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  61. Congratulations to you both! And thank you for your honesty. It's refreshing to hear about "the real deal" sometimes. :)

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  62. i could not have read this at a better time! i just spent almost an entire evening fighting over what, i'm not even sure anymore, but puffy eyed and snotty nosed am I. And I think I do remember at some point stating something along the lines of, "buck up. choose to be here and choose to deal with it!" :) p.s. i said it outloud too, as you can imagine that went over oh so well in the middle of an argument!

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  63. marriage is like a fine wine... it gets better with time. Real life is what blogging is all about- thank you for drawing the curtains back a little and letting us into yours. Happy Anniversary, here's to 5 years and a lifetime more.

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  64. i feel like i've learned a lot about marriage through your marriage, which i am soooo thankful for btw. love you, love steve (duh) and love the honor in your commitment.

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  65. This is probably the perfect post. Thank you Bridget. And happy anniversary to you guys.
    Bisous!

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  66. Wow. Words fail me. This post - your honesty and the level of detail you were prepared to share - is a gift to women. Thank you.

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  67. Thank you for your honesty. It is refreshing.Merry Christmas to you and your family.

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  68. happy (day after) anniversary, lady!!

    love this post...
    keepin' it real.
    good stuff.

    xoxo

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  69. I love your post!! couldnt come in a better time as I am blaaah right now, especially in that area lol. the couple fight..

    glad that I am not the only one, and even though I am aware that everybody fight, still like to actually see that it really happens to everyone the almost exact same way...wether its being dramatic or jsut stupid drop-me-off-of-the-car fight!!!

    I've beeen married for 10 years and still going strong, and the last fight was like, this is it!!! I am done ..lol and then we are adult, and we just work things out because of course we love each other, it doesnt work that way with everybody I guess :)


    fights aside: I wish you and your amazing family the best christmas holidays :)!!! love your blog and ur personality, and didnt stop reading since I found it :) not a big comments person, but that'll be my new year resolution LOLOL

    lots of love from spain <3
    Magali

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  70. Favorite blog post I've read in a while. Thanks for sharing. :)

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  71. Happy Anniversary... what a great post... marriage is hard and takes a lot of work... and especially one with kids... and with kids which one partner brought into the marriage. Thanks for the honesty.

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  72. Well said Bridget. I always want to solve fights and my husband prefers to simmer down. You can imagine how that goes. Walk away, follow, walk away, follow....all while the volume increases.

    We have been married 10 years and together 15 and with all the drama that comes our way at times we are in it for the long haul. Never thought of love being a choice but that is so true. You chose a wise one. But you know that. : )

    Congrats.

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  73. This is exactly the post that I needed to read right now. Oh how perfect. Tim and I get into these dumb little arguments after he has had a stressful day at work or I'm worked up about something, and it's so nice to know that this is normal and other people do it too. I always think that we're the only ones!!

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  74. Hey Bridget, I'm just getting caught up on blogs and wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed this. It always confuses me why people seem to fully believe in that picture of perfection that most of us bloggers tend to portray, because SERIOUSLY?! No one is perfect, or if everything seems to be going great now, shit will hit the fan eventually, cause that's just LIFE. I'm guilty of putting my best face forward too, but mainly because the problems my husband and I have in our life are just too private to shout about from the rooftops (to people who wouldn't understand and, at the end of the day, are mostly all strangers). It would be innapropriate to write about them in detail (financial things, a couple lawsuits, betrayal from friends, etc). Life is NOT perfect. And fights? Don't even get me started. Matthew and I are both extremely hot headed people, and when we fight, it's downright scary. I threw a bar stool and broke it the other day in pure rage, I shit you not, and we have had conversations that brought both of us to tears and had us asking ourselves how things could possibly be this shitty after not even two years. But we got through it, and you're right, love is a choice, every day and every minute. We're both learning, and I appreciated hearing this all confirmed from you. Thank you very much for sharing (and sorry that this all just one long stream of consiousness comment... lol) :)

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  75. Girl, thank you!
    PS: I once threw a container of frozen yogurt at the wall. Unfortunately, I really wanted that yogurt later.

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  76. Conratulations on 5 years! That is really amazing ! You are a really strong person and I admire you. I love reading your blog!

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  77. thanks for your honesty in sharing this. i often find myself thinking, 'there's no way in hell anyone else in a marriage feels the way i do about my marriage right now. i don't deserve this man i married. this poor, unwitting soul married a wretch and now he's stuck with me for life.'

    i love that you walked home once. that's totally something i'd do. :)

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  78. i love your blog. i visit when i need a fantasy break. when i feel haggard, tired, and empty of dreams i log on and look through your wonderful collection of photos and read your very clever wonderful words. i see you are thin and beautiful, your husband strong and in love, your children happy and vibrant. you have no idea how much more my visits will mean after reading your post. while i don't have any children and am on my second marriage, this time to the most wonderful man in the universe for 20 years now, i remember feeling as if i'd been fed a line of crap in our first 5 years. it took us some wicked fights and a lot of time to realize that love isn't happy endings, even tempers and fair treatment. it's feeling angry, resentful and selfish and finding a way to take responsibility for those feelings and not blaming the other for them. we fight about silly things. semantics. and it's all about being right. who cares. we just ask each other if we'd rather be right or happy and most times the answer is happy. thank you for your honesty, it's so refreshing to know it's all not perfect. good luck and happy anniversary.

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  79. Belated happy anniversary! Ben and I celebrated our 4th on the 28th--yay for December weddings! I think I should tell you that your gorgeous wedding was actually the one to inspire me not to wait for spring/summer like everyone else. I saw some of your pics on fb or something and totally copied you and had my December wedding the next year. :)

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  80. Thanks for being so honest! I am a newlywed and having someone speak honestly about marriage is so helpful and refreshing!

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  81. "Some marriages shouldn't be in the first place and their endings are good things." So true. And something I'm working to bring about in my own life. The hard part is finding a way to convince others of this, when all that they see is a girl, not even divorced yet, who has moved on to someone else (already!). Little do they know, this one is different. This one is THE one. And I wouldn't have recognized it and wouldn't be able to value him the way that I do without that first marriage.

    (For the record, the divorce was set rolling before I met Mr. Right. It's just the paperwork that has gotten drawn out.)

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  82. Hi!

    I found you from fairy tales are true... absolutely loved this post. While I haven't been with my boyfriend for nearly as long (just 2.5 years) I feel like we have committed to one another in a very unconventional way for where we are in our relationship.

    We met in barcelona, while studying our MBA's and after 6 months decided to move to his country of the Netherlands together (opposed to mine, CALIFORNIA). I missed home, but loved him, so followed him. Over the course of my 1.5 years here we have fought, I've cried, I've stomped off, locked myself in the bathroom, and have felt utterly crazy/alone/homesick. So many times I've thought WHAT AM I DOING? And that all our fights were a clear indication that we were simply too different, and from two very opposite sides of the world.

    But through the fights, tears and love I've learned that its because we are SO different that's why we are together. We teach each other things, help each other grow, and see the world in a different light.

    While the fights are no fun - thank you for giving me some relief that they are normal :)

    x
    Jeanelle

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  83. i read this once before, and saw it down in the "you might also like" boxes....so i clicked it and re-read, on the perfect night.

    so refreshing to be encouraged, and reminded that my marriage is normal, even with the some of our ridiculous fights...like tonight for example haha!

    thank you :)

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  84. This was such a great post and I really needed it. Life is just so damn hard sometimes and far from perfect.

    Thanks for the reminder that non-perfect marriages are the norm. And that doesn't mean they're broken. Just real.

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  85. I've only been married 6 months. Happily married, but there is still soooo much to work on, so very much. We only knew each 8 months when we married and I feel like you sometimes, "We fight more than any couple EVER."

    I have been working on a pretty honest post about it all, but haven't quite brought myself to hit publish. :)

    Thanks for being so candid.

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  86. I NEEDED THIS POST TODAY. So glad I stalked your blog for a while and ran across this because I could relate to every last sentence. Honesty posts are the best. I've always loved your blog but I love it even more now, if that's possible.

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(also! if you have a question, check back as i usually answer it here!)

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