a really, really fancy date.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

so last night was one for the books.  parker awoke around 4:30 am with a big smile on his face like, "hey guys, it's time to get up now."  i was not having it.  neither was steve.  so, while we desperately tried to get some more sleep, he basically kicked and hit us with his flailing limbs repeatedly, all the while cooing at the top of his lungs (did you know babies could coo loudly?) from his center-spot until we shimmied so far to either side that we were basically falling off the bed.  then, i feel him.  he's wet.  diaper change in the dark.  two seconds later, we hear the poop.  steve feels wetness on his arm.  he couldn't have filled his pants that quickly.  "i've been shat on!"  (he didn't really say that but it sounds funnier than, "do i have poop on me?"). we turn on the light.  yes, indeed he did, but not because he had a blow-out.  his diaper is empty but the diaper is actually wedged between his butt cheeks giving him a major wedge and letting all the poop out.  plus one for mom!

we strip the sheets and mattress cover which are now nastay.  back to bed?  hardly.  parker wanna nurse?  please??  the only hope of getting him back to sleep at this point.  he tricks us.  nurses for like five minutes and then is all, "suckas!  you thought that was gonna put me back to sleep?  not i!  i'm only re-energized now!"  so we lay there, getting kicked and shat on and i start dreaming of food.  i decide i must have a johnny rockets burger, fries, and milkshake.  i tell steve.  we'll try to make it happen.  he has the day off.

hours later (remember, this was all happening at 4 am) we get in the car.  to feed the ravenous woman, that's me.  parker promptly falls asleep in his car seat... finally.  wake him so soon?  no.  let's drive around.  i'm starving.  steve keeps suggesting different places in lieu of going as far as johnny rockets because i was all, "I HAVE BEEN SUSTAINING A LIFE TODAY AND HAVE YET TO EAT A THING," and at this point i'm considering looking for a dirty diaper (there's got to be one in this car somewhere!) and eating that.  i can't think straight.  we come up with drive-thru to maintain a sleeping parker.  my dreams of johnny rockets are dashed and replaced with a wendy's number one and a frosty.  sooooo not as cool.  nevertheless, i stuff my face and like it.  all that talk of health food on this blog?  phony.  and the number one was good, my friends.  did you know wendy's fries are way better now?  then we walk around town with a finally awake parker who totally thwarted our plans and was thinking the whole time, "serves you right for not playing with me at 4 am.  did you have me so you could get your sleep???  you idiots."

and did i mention the weather was spectacular and it was awesome to have steve all to myself?  oh, and that we totally celebrate mediocrity here by taking pictures of a WENDY'S DRIVE-THRU MENU.  someone put us out of our misery.


41 comments:

  1. i love this. i am a nanny so i feel ya. so much! love it. and wendy's fries are so much better now, agreed!

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  2. we had wendy's last night.

    sometimes it will be the kind of day where we look at each other and say,

    "you know when it's real"

    and Drew knows we are having Wendy's for dinner.

    also, you look fab, hardly like a woman who just had to deal with poopsheets.

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  3. This is hilarious. But really, the part that stuck out to me the most is how cute your outfit is. If you had just posted that picture, I would have thought you (Parker) had it all together. ;-)

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  4. bridget- that blazer is fabulous. where did you buy?

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  5. Heh heh this made me giggle. "I've been shat on!" Lol... epic. :P

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  6. What a bugger! But so funny. There should be some sort of e-card that reads: Sorry you woke up in a pile of shit.

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  7. when I wake up at 4 am by a baby, there is no way in hell that I end up looking that good, especially for wendy's drive-thru.

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  8. i love a story with a happy ending. you had me a shat!

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  9. @kathrine joy, seriously!

    @shannon, we do what we can.

    @kristen, h&m. best part is, it's sweatshirt material! kinda like party in the front, business in the back.

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  10. Wendy's fries are the best. A little ketchup, a little salt. A little heart attack when you're 30. Oh well.

    I was literally laughing OUT LOUD about the "do I have poop on me?"

    Also, I had a dream that we all went back to Boston and stayed in that house with our husbands, except you brought your dad and it was weird. Which probably means something. I probably brought my dad too and just didn't notice. Damn.

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  11. twas a beautiful day! I think we're going to have another great one today too! Too bad this sucker is stuck in the office...

    Enjoy your day, lady!

    ~em
    talesforkarina.blogspot.com

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  12. okay, I know this story is about poo and sheets and horrible food, but I must say that you look fabulous! Love that outfit to pieces!

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  13. hahaha this was great. Getting shat on though? Not so great.

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  14. it was this light out for your 4am wendy's run? lucky duck. or maybe i'm just reading the whole thing wrong.

    either way, it's true. you look super fab. and so does that burger.

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  15. I need to try Wendy's fries now. I've always thought they were at the bottom of the fast food french fry totem pole, but if they've improved, it's my duty to taste test, right?

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  16. Next time, dip your fries in the frosty.

    You'll slap somebody, promise.

    This may be my favorite line: "serves you right for not playing with me at 4 am. did you have me so you could get your sleep??? you idiots."

    That Parker is funny.

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  17. awww i love this! tho i dont think id love such an early wake up call haha but at least you guys tried to make the best of it!

    i have not had wendys fries since they re-vamped them..MUST TRY!

    xoxox

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  18. glad we are all in agreement about the new sea salt fries from Wendy'. yes i know the full title because these are my gulty obsession, to the point where the boyfriend knows to stop by with some if I've had a terrible day!

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  19. Wow, literally my nightmare. My bed is a sacred place. I would cry if someone shit in it...and you know how I feel about crying.

    Seriously though, you look absurdly good for the night you had.

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  20. Ditto a couple of the other ladies: you look amazing for having gone through a night like that!

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  21. love this... and yet without sleep and being pooped on, you still look like a super model. how does that work?! :)

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  22. So what you're saying is you eat at Wendy's every day? It's Bridget, Parker, and the old men all at Wendy's at 11:00 am for a #1 combo meal? And you let Parker drink the Frosty even though he's only 3 months old?

    I am shocked and disappointed. I really expected more from you.

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  23. Oh shoot, I just reread my comment and I'm concerned Steve might think that by "old men" I meant him.

    No Steve. I meant all the grandpas who eat at Wendy's every day. Not you, of course. You're a stone fox. xoxoxo.

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  24. @erin, WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY? jk. he is a stone fox.

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  25. OMG I've been DYING for a Wendy's... something (JBC? Fries?) for the past week. This post did not help. haha

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  26. thank you for eating Wendy's and validating me wanting to stop the health food and eat REALLY bad occasionally. and ps.. you look adorable!

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  28. Wendy's. Yup. Yum.

    If a guy said we were going to McDonald's for a date, I'd ask when I should order the wedding invitations, because THAT'S a keeper.

    Also, isn't it funny that something so tiny can have so much control?? :)

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  29. @ADR, indeed. babies are small but mighty.

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  30. um... that drive-thru window is kind of fancy... is it electronic? (sad that i'm impressed by this)

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  31. ohhhhh you make me laugh! little parker knows exactly what he wants, lol! we don't have ANY johnny rockets where I live, so I've never had it... we just have In 'N Out. Do you guys have In 'N Out over there?

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  32. @melissa, in n out wouldve more than sufficed. love that place and no! we have none!

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  33. my son is 4 and i still remember what it felt like to be woken up a half a dozen times for feeding and then for good before the sun rose, my lack of sleep made me feel so cross eyed that i would literally go check in the mirror to see if i indeed was. at least you look wonderful. xx

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  34. Babe mus have some death trap bum to suck the diaper right up. I've had many a poop incident, but not quite that way. (Please higher powers, don't take that as an invitation. I'm on the brink of potty training.)

    And I'm with the others. You look waaaay to good to have been hangin in baby crap mere hours before and then half starved. Spill the pact you made with the devil. I want in.

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  35. Despite the rough start, it looks like you made the most of your day!

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  36. i think its sad that after seeing your pictures the saddest thing about your blog to me is that post baby you are eating hamburgers and still look AMAZING!

    way to go!!! haha, i'm slightly jealous (still a few crunches short of a prebaby body)

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  37. Sometimes life just calls for fast food. :) And yes, Wendy's new fries are so fab...

    I love reading your stories...they brighten the bloggy world.

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  38. The sea salt fries. Worth getting up at 4am for. Almost.

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  39. I loved this post. Made me laugh. And yes, I love the new Wendy's fries. It is better than McDonalds. Yep. I said it.

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  40. 2 weeks ago we were supposed to go out to a nice date night but ended up with subway sandwiches, chips and a remote in our hands! equally as lame as Wendys but still nice to spend time together!

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