bachelorette, part 5.
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
missed the first 8 minutes. again... parker's fault!
date with sean.
+ her teeth are glowing as they walk through the london park, no?
+ "he didn't know what big ben was?" -steve
+ good photographer? the whole stretched out arm thing? em, be more sparing with your compliments.
kalon, jef, and arie chatting back at the hotel.
+ kalon and emily's kids would have some major pearly whites. too much.
+ jef wants a group date.
+ i didn't hear what kalon said about ricky that got jef hot and bothered. dammit!
back to sean's date.
+ emily's voice is hoarse. whatchu' doing behind the scenes, em?!
+ sean on the soap box (steve corrected me. speaker's corner.). oh man. i'm embarrassed. i mean, he did a good job on the spot, i guess? but still. awkward town.
+ this date looks pretty cool. a date at the london tower?
+ "sean is totally my prisoner of love tonight" with a scratchy voice. sounding all sorts of raunchy, ems!
back at the hotel.
+ kalon's had lip injections.
back to the date.
+ emily's make up looks good.
+ "hi, i'm emily. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT?"
+ sean and emily seem promising. a little yawn fest but promising nevertheless.
(can we just fast forward to the "get the f out" scene?)
+ meh. acting. i'm over these silly bachelor-meets-the-muppets-dollywood-acting-pretend-soap-opera things (that was a whole 'lotta stuff i just said there).
+ doug's cheesy in his big old "i'm a good sport, i can have a girl role, no problem!" thing.
+ whenever i see chris now... it's all this.
+ i made an audible "ehhh" when i saw greasy kalon on the screen.
+ "you can run along." (?!?!) i want to kick kalon in the balls sooooooooo badly. 2012, kalon.
+ doug. an attempt at making a funny with the girl voice.
+ ewww. kalon. ewwwww.
+ ryan's got a total complex about arie. he's too thrilled for arie to see him kiss emily.
+ i wouldn't be into that if i were emily. the multiple kisses from ryan. (but she liked it? weird.)
+ abc zoom in on her and arie holding hands. that's why they pay you the big bucks, eh cameraman?!
+ i'm starting to think ryan's a little funny at this point. he's weird and overbearing but sort of funny too? in like an overconfident, semi-obnoxious, but still sort of funny way?
+ the necklace. "out of his pocket and with no box!" -steve scoffs
+ i don't even understand what kalon's saying. 'tired, sick mom?' it doesn't even make sense.
+ DOUG THE DAD DOES NOT LIKE TO HEAR KIDS REFERRED TO AS BAGGAGE.
+ it makes doug the dad swear! he doesn't like that either! what if austin watches this?!
+ alright. commercial break. kalon's getting his ass kicked when we return. i think he's got a major holier-than-thou complex and i want to beat it out of him with one of his helicopter blades.
+ "hey guys can everyone sit down for a second?" serious LOL-ing. doug is calling a meeting. what is this? emily is like shut up doug let me handle this.
+ BOOM. bringing up kalon's line. GO EMILY.
+ doug the dad trying to have a 'single parents rally' with emily. she wants to be alone. awkward and hilarious. (doug, when will you learn that being single parents does not a relationship make?)
+ kalon calls himself a stand-up guy? and i am a unicorn?
+ doug's all, "WHY AREN'T YOU HANDING OUT THE ROSE? I TOLD YOU."
+ camera zooming in on unfinished beers and a sole rose. DUH DUH DUHHHHH.
(this just in: dragons live in the buckingham palace.)
date with jef.
+ i'm digging his outfit (better than the socks thing that i somehow missed last week).
+ her 'surprise' for jef is a big can of 'why didn't you tell me about the baggage comment' whoopass.
+ hahahaha. this english woman is cracking me up. "nooo no no nooooo. tea beforrrrre the milk!"
+ jef's commentary is funny. "jean is really, really, really, really, really thorough."
+ i don't think either of them were digging that.
+ likening ricky to vintage louis vuitton... clever.
+ the london eye needs to dim their lights. this is a date, not a surgery.
+ i'm kind of liking the vibe of their date.
+ that dessert looks good and they aren't even touching it. how much wasted food is on this show? i'd eat it.
cocktail party/rose ceremony.
+ who is this first guy? i don't even know. travis! thank you for the banner across the bottom, abc.
+ arie in the hot seat! i dunno, arie. spinning this to be "all about us" as to why you didn't tell her. i'm not so sure she's buying it.
+ steve keeps asking what ryan's wearing around his neck. i told him. SCARF, steve.
+ reciting romeo. ryan. i just don't know about you. i mean, you seem like you mean well. you're kinda goofy and weird. but you've got all these weird things about you too. i'm not coming down on either side. gimme a few more episodes.
+ sean and emily slow-dancing? to no music?
+ butterflies in her heart. yep, em. did sound cheesy. i'll let it go.
+ wouldn't it be funny if chris came in and all straight faced was like, "the show's over. emily's picked her man." funnier in my head.
+ chris-ice-age-animal didn't get any talking time this week.
+ arie did not like ryan getting the rose.
+ oooh. arie gets the last one.
+ alejandro's exit was graceful.
bitches get to go to croatia. this is crap! ikea blankets! now the guys are just dying to stick up for emily. "someone! talk some crap about her! or ricky! so i can go tell her! gimme my chance!"
alright. overall i'm still on team arie & jef but i'm not DYING over anyone. sean's nice but a little boring. (has anyone been watching since trista and ryan? cause i have. and i was DYING over ryan by this point eaaaasy. so, these guys gotta step up their game if they want to impress ME. WHICH IS WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT.)
alright. give it to me. thoughts?