a letter to the bachelor girls.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

i love this show.  i get downright excited to watch it, more than probably any show on television (ew, i just admitted it) and my husband loves it too.  in fact he was coming home late last night and told me not to start it without him.  even though every single season he says he won't watch it, he gets sucked in.  it's cheesy, for sure: "i've done a lot of soul-searching",  "i'm here for the right reasons", "these other girls aren't right for you", and "this is the final rose... when you're ready" can get old.  but nevertheless, we cuddle up every monday night and watch it with the occasional giggle.

so, let's pretend that the girls actually read my blog and that the show isn't actually over but presently happening.  thus, they need my help.

ashley, you're ok.  but you're going home soon for sure.  i'm thinking within the next two weeks.  you or britt is next.

britt, i think you're nice but you gotta put yourself out there more.  brad doesn't even know you (though, it looks like you get a one on one next week).  but word to the wise: LOSE the clear, plastic shoes now.  and read the above.

chantal, he likes you a lot.  maybe you'll be the girl.  i'm not sure.  but, you have got way too much in the chest area to wear these weird v-neck dresses that you keep putting on.  spesh the leopard print one!  say no to that!  shred that baby now!  ok, back to your chemistry.  don't be jeal of the other ladies.  he really likes you.  

emily, i think if you go home it's because he likes you more than you like him.  but, for the record, i have a girl crush on you. 

michelle, it was really short-sighted of you to only bring lululemon clothes to your stint on the bachelor.  didn't you know that cameras would be on all the time???  anyway, you're crazy pants.  this is just a huge competition to you.  and you know you're supposed to be there?  what's that?  you'll be going home soon.  stop punching him too.  it's not cute.

shawntel, you have the best style of all.  where'd you get that green dress from last week?  (ah!  it appears to be american apparel!).  can we share clothes?  i kinda like you.  i wouldn't mind if you're the last girl.  but i doubt you will be.

that is all. 

thoughts?  do share.

*footnote: to all the ladies... you know brad isn't really the one behind the helicopters and candle light dates and fancy suites and shopping sprees.  when real life begins and the cameras stop rolling, so will those awesome dates.  so stop thanking him.  just thank abc.

44 comments:

  1. I am not ashamed to admit that I love to watch The Bachelor. Maybe I should be... but I'm not. :)
    Michelle doesn't even talk to him anymore. She just demands things about the other girls. How is that suppose to be a foundation for a relationship? Jeez. CRAZY. Maybe he's finally starting to see it.

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  2. Mmmhmmm guilty pleasure.I'm addicted. Totally agree about chantal's clothing, painful! Such a pretty girl, but last week's mesh chested dress was too much. And yes, Michelle is craaaazy.But oh so entertaining...

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  3. Hahahahaha my sister and I always say the same thing when the girls "thank" him for the dates, its hilarious. Emily is my favorite as well, but it looks like she won't stay around. I am hopelessly addicted to this show and I'm not ashamed to admit it.

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  4. i always get sucked in! i may or may not have googled emily's coverup from last week and then purchased it. haha. this is a hilarious word to the wise. ugh michelle.

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  5. You hit the nail on the HEAD! I loved this, and share a similar obsession, er, excitement for this show every week. It really is the highlight of my week:)

    Chantel looked so stuffed into that Jersey Shore dress last night & I just felt bad for her.

    Emily- LOVE

    Britt- can't stand... she's like 12

    Ashley- no opinion, kind of annoying, she'll go soon

    Shawntel- my favorite by far. She's beautiful & has great style.

    Michelle- gotta be careful about what I say. I'll let you in on a little secret (shhh.... i know her. She was my hair stylist & old neighbor:)!!) hahaha. Maybe why I'm even more into this season.

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  6. ''You know how Chris L. had problems opening up to girls? That's how I used to be until I met you.'' - these words came out of my boyfriend's mouth this summer after we watched the Ali Bachelorette season on iTunes in Austria together. he. was. obsessed. and he said the above quote in ALL seriousness, too. keep in mind he is european where craziness like this show doesn't really exist.

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  7. LOVE. IT. Wes watches with me. He doesn't even try to pretend like he hates it. People will call him, and he'll say, "dude, you've got to call back...the bachelor's on."
    Emily: love her. want to be her friend.
    Michelle: crazy pants. cuh-razy paaants.

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  8. girl, preach. i actually haven't started this season yet, but plan on watching EVERY episode in one sitting in about a week.

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  9. We watch too. lol. Drew Jones gets so excited when it's on.

    I think it's weird that they didn't vary the ages a little more. I don't have any issue with age differences in relationships, it just seems strange that they wouldn't include any women his age AT ALL. I don't know, if I were a 38 year old woman I would be kind of offended.

    also

    Michelle should audition for daytime soaps when she gets the boot.

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  10. We...my hubby and I...are sucked in too. Every season. each season I usually do a bachelor re-cap the next day on my blog. I didn't do it this season and I seriously am having a hard time not typing my way through the show. Loved your letter to the girls.

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  11. my favorite part of this is the endnote. it drives me crazy that they thank brad. he has no part whatsoever in the planning :) they have no idea if he can plan special dates or not yet!

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  12. i seriously agree with you on everything! ha! my hubby watches with me too, but "only because i make him." and those girls really need to read that footnote, seriously, he didn't plan any of it. hopefully when it's all over he will take some of those romance tips with him though!

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  13. sing it sister! i want so badly for emily to be one of the last girls and i wish michelle would just get sent home already!! anyone who gives themselves a black eye and purposefully turns themselves into an oompa loompa with excessive tanning should get a one-way ticket to crazy town.

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  14. "so stop thanking him. just thank abc."

    Love this! My thoughts exactly. Aron keeps asking if Brad has any say in this... No!

    Do you read the Entertainment Weekly blog: I love their re-cap and the Chris Harrison blog (maybe more than actually watching the show).

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  15. AHAHAHAHAHA....this sounds EXACTLY like the conversations my husband, me, and my friend who joins us every monday night, have! hahaha....soo funny. i can't get over this show.

    my vote is on Emily, she seems the most normal.

    michelle is a psycho and i hope she is at least there until final two because she is NUTS and i love watching it.

    Brit looks like she stepped out of 1991 and every time she is on all i can think is how she should be on "what not to wear" and given a serious makeover.

    Chantal cries to much and it's irritating. Not to mention all her clothes look 10 times to small.

    He has no chemistry with Ashley.

    I like Shawntel but her little creepy, silent game thing and then attacking him with mouth wide open was seriously unattractive.

    that is all.

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  16. my theory: michelle is on contract with abc to get through to like final 4 or something...to keep drama going. you can tell he doesnt like her at all.

    since we did find out she is an actress, i think that's a totally legit theory.

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  17. I love this show, too! But, my husband hates it and refuses to watch it with me. ha!

    I know Shawntel and her family and she is a sweet girl, but I don't think she'll end up with him in the end. I think my favorite girl for Brad is Chantal. I like her. As for Michelle, I don't think there's anything to say. Wow!

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  18. No joke, my husband and I got super addicted to the Ali and Jake one. He loved it! But hated it I think it's so funny how men get sucked in also.

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  19. I love this post, Bridget.
    Made me giggle, it's perfect.

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  20. I've noticed that all of the girls named Michelle who have appeared on the bachelor are crazy. They're giving me a bad name!

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  21. I know we all hate Michelle but arent't you dying to meet her family??? Let's see who raised this nut job!

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  22. my hubby totally watches with me and pretends to be annoyed about it. he said that if brad had any balls he would've sent Michelle home this episode. They just keep her around for drama. I agree with your assessment totally and want Emily for the end.
    -laurie

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  23. Agreed completely with all your comments. I, along with the rest of the viewing population it seems, want Emily to win! Love her!

    What do you think about his whole schpeal about, "I've changed this year..blah blah." Honestly, I really don't get why America is jumping down his throat for not choosing someone last time. Isn't he better for not proposing and then breaking up a few months later like the majoring of the Bachelor(& ettes)? It's driving me nuts that he has to keep defending himself.

    Better Than a Milk Mustache

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  24. i have a girl crush on emily too...

    i think the whole world does..

    and i think that is also why my husband looks forward to each episode..

    he will never admit it..

    just like i will never admit that i really like the episodes where brad takes his shirt off.

    and that my friends, is how to have a healthy marriage.

    end.

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  25. hahahahaha!! i love this post! agree with you 100% about chantal's weird dresses, michelle's craziness and having a girl crush on emily! looooooove her. so much. think she'll be the next bachelorette if he doesn't pick her? and can you find out where she got her bathing suit from last night's episode? it was so cute! but really, i have a feeling it'll be chantal in the end - and i CANNOT WAIT for michelle to go - even though i might fear for my life if i was him. :(

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  26. ok I dont watch the show but I feel like I have to after reading this.

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  27. I'm a huge fan of this season's bachelor too. My guy friend texted me last night and said "you've got me obsessed with this dam* show and now I feel like a fag." lol. so tell your husband he's not alone. I also have a huge crush on Emily, think Michelle is psychotic and pretty sure Chantal wins...

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  28. SO true! Love this show- its my true guilty pleasure. I actually had a 20 minute conversation about it at lunch with one of the girls at work. Everyone else at the table looked at us like we were crazy- its all good! :)

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  29. i don't know if any of the bach girls are reading your blog, but if emily was, she'd be super flattered and follow you for life.

    if i was the emily every commenter was talking about, i'd be set for life in the self esteem department. i feel pretty flattered, myself, and i know none of you are even talking about me.

    confession: i don't watch the bachelor.

    feel free to end our budding internet relationship.

    but i hope you don't.

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  30. Okay yes michelle is a bit off her rocker-but in all fairness last night the bachelor kind of baited her. He asked her questions and laughed about her answers then later threw it in her face. I thought he was a bit cheeky to do that.

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  31. please do this every week. i just LOL-ed.

    I'm obsessed with Emily too. She's a complete lamb and flawless. I think too that if he doesn't pick her it'll be b/c she's not too into him. Which I hope happens because I want her to be the bachelorette.

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  32. Ha ha! I love this post of yours! I am glad to know I am not the only one who gets suckered into these shows! lol.

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  33. THIS POST WAS AWESOME!!!!! I AGREE WITH YOU ON ALL COUNTS!!! HEHE!

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  34. you will be pleased to know that because my MIL was in town we watched this last night. it was ridiculous. and that blond pretty girl deserves better.

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  35. Ahh yes, once again I have been sucked into the Bachelor. I look forward to it all day Monday. My husband secretly likes it too. We like to give all the girls nicknames, that makes it fun as well.

    I also love the "Marry Me Monday" bit, those poor guys. They have to be nervous as all get out. I'd love to know the girl's answer though.

    As far as the ladies go... I think Emily is way too good for him, but I think she will stick around for a while. If she can build up some confidence and get just a little more spunk, maybe she could be the next Bachelorette.

    And Michelle... I'm ready for you to repel off something without a harness.

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  36. k. so i don't usually watch this show, but you got me all interested and i was home sick, so waddaknow, when my husband arrived home last night he found me curled up and laughing.

    ha! michelle! ha! soooo nuts!

    ...and when chantelle wore that lepord print dress and was completley obsessed with "who gave brad grief", oh man, i didn't like her nearly as much as i thought i did when she was cute in from the rain in the big mens shirt. shoot.

    hee! anyway, happy wedenssday.

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  37. this is too fun. we are so doing this every tuesday.

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  38. Love this post. And yes, I too admit to liking the Bachelor. My favorite part of every show is when Chris Harrison comes out to announce that there is one more rose. DUH! I wonder how much he gets paid.

    I like Shawntel the best. Michelle's just... weird.

    Did you watch the Bachelorette this past summer? I still laugh every time I think of Kasey singing to Ali. Fast forward to like 1:10 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JwH4kfjR7gI

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  39. i {{{heart}}} this post! i feel the same way about everyone of these girls. i think michelle needs to go home sooner then later. hello, CRAZY!!!!
    oh, and you're too cute regarding the helicopters, and dates! (u can thank ABC!) TRUE DAT!

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  40. I love all your posts but this one made me think you can read minds! Honestly, the Michelle thing - Did she forget to pack? And she's a nut job! I love Emily too and I think that she's too good for Brad and that he's definitely NOT the guy for her. (I might have a little crush on her too). I say that if he doesn't pick Em then she's definitely going to be the next "Bachelorette".

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  41. great letters, i agree 100%. although, i do have one of my own.

    dear chantal,
    stop wearing so much blush. you're overdoing it.

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  42. Haha. Michelle is my friends sister. She is a crazy pants. The craziness runs in the family. She is hilarious to watch, but I would hate to be living in that house with her!

    Unfortunately my friend told me who wins, boo. I seriously didn't even want to know. I love the anticipation of finding out!

    Congrats by the way on the baby! I was actually thinking to myself the other day about it!

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  43. ahahahahah!!! I could not stop laughing!!! It's like you read my every thought!

    I'm over Ashley.
    Brit is gone.....who is she anyway? does she speak?
    Chantel is fun, but she lost points for me in her weird boob squeezing flinstones dress.....serisoulsy what happened there? And she needs to lay a bit off the blush.
    Emily is adorable and perfect, but I think she has some major issues and would end up breaking up with him if he chose her.
    Michelle is a nut job, and yes--why is she ALWAYS in her gym clothes?? I live in SLC and can't go anywhere without hearing someone talking about her and her craziness.
    I have liked Shawntel the entire time--she isn't so made up and seems really cool....until she totally attacked him with her giant mouth the other night. That was weird.

    haha why was this so fun for me?

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  44. OMG. I wrote a blog about the Bachelor and it almost matched yours WORD FOR WORD. Too funny. Love love love your blog by the way. Check it every morning :) Here is the link for the blog post I wrote about the Bachelor if you are interested :)

    http://robandraven.blogspot.com/2011/02/slum-tv-i-am-loving-right-now.html

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