i mean a doooooozaaaay. a real humdinger. alright, perhaps it wasn't that bad. i'll let you be the judge. let's walk through it, shall we? it started with a wakeup from parker. as most mornings do. this part of the day is quite sweet really but you do have to brace yourself for a quick second... "okay day. be easy on me." we usually bring parker into our room in the morning unless he's ended up there at some ungodly middle-of-the-night hour already. upon bringing said toddler into bed, he only wanted to cuddle with mom and wanted nooooothing to do with dad. i mean, sweet for me, but poor dad! why must they do this? why must toddlers so delight in the favorites game? i can't even fully enjoy the love upon which he bestows upon me when, you know, husband's getting zilch. anyway. let's move on.
so here we are. this particular day steve was going to be gone from like 8 am to 9 pm (never mind! as i write this now, he still ain't home and we're creeping up on 9:30). now, i know that's some of your every day realities... and then some (hello grace) but it's not mine soooo we only know what we know. i sort of rock the whole routine the school year brings. the monday through friday jam is sort of my thing. i know what to expect and i do it well. but this was still summertime! i wasn't prepared! so anyway. steve's gone, and i decide william, lindsey, and i will do some back to school shopping. we go to the mall and william and lindsey act soooort of hooligan-like which of course was frustrating. we get a few things for them at h&m and head back to the car. huffily. in a huff, if you will.
parker falls asleep for like all of three minutes just as we're heading to our exit less than 2 miles from home. i desperately try to keep him awake but he ain't having it. even the promise of TRUCKS UP AHEAD will not keep those lids open. inner dialogue: "well. he just went to sleep so surely i can pull of a successful transfer." NO. his nap was officially single digit minutes and that's just how it was going to be. now you know the rest of the day is sooooo promising with single digit minutes nap!
later in the day - here's where it gets really fun - lindsey, parker, and i head out for a few more errands. starting with the post office. somehow my set of keys has gone missing so i have the "valet key" if you will. basically, it's just a key, without that whole remote open/closer/panic button attachment (is that called a key fob? i find "key fob" to be so pretentious. i'm not sure what it is about that word. but i don't like to say it.). i run into the post office to mail a few packages and upon returning have lindsey unlock the car from the inside. mistake. the car alarm starts going off and i have no idea how to make it stop without the remote. (it's happened before, but the remote thing is how i've always stopped it.) the car will still start, drive, do everything a car should do but with the alarm blaring BEEP BEEP BEEP the entire way. can you imagine this? seriously. just imagine a minivan driving down the road with the alarm going off the entire time. it sounds like a blast, no? like a police siren but... with less of a job to do and a lot more humiliation. to make matters worse, my neighbor who i don't know tooooo well is inside the post office and only moments before i was all "howdy neighbor!" to him. and you and i both know they can all hear it from inside the post office and that they also know who's responsible since i just walked out. i pull the fastest u-turn of my life and drive away from the post office, alarm blaring the whole way. waking napping babies across town, dogs barking, pissing people off. i rip the manual out of the glove compartment and leaf through it. ALARM, THEFT, SECURITY. WHAT TO LOOK UP. nothing. after two minutes, it miraculously goes off by itself. lindsey and i breathe a sigh of relief, parker's in the back a bit stunned. we come to our next stop. lindsey and i look at each other, brace ourselves, and open the doors. again... ALARM. shriveling up and dying would've been more preferable at the time.
basically, all in all lindsey and i counted three different times of alarm blar-age in a span of ten minutes. that's approximately six minutes of car alarm-ing (making up a lot of words today). in various parking lots across town. never felt so cool in my whole, whole life.
(and p.s. NOW i know how to stop it even without the "key fobbbbbb." gross.)
(did you read all of this? wasn't it a doozy?)
(oh! and the chimay. to be reserved for a day like this one.)