bachelorette, part 2.

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

you get commentary from me AND my sister (of the now defunct lipstick junglegym... she's just on a hiatus!  albeit a long one but a hiatus nevertheless!) this week people!  hold on to your horses!

steve's in here too!  commentary all around!

ryan.  first date!  i like him. doin' the whole domestics thing.  is this how the whole season is gonna go?  domestics duty?  his hair?  not so into it.  kate says, "no more black shirts, ryan.  you're not robert deniro."  why's there animal fur only where they are sitting and no where else?  of COURSE you found her most attractive in her kitchen.  whatEVER.

i think it's stupid when they get praise for not feeling 'bummed out for it not being a bigger date.'  like, seriously?!  is he going to be like, "i'm getting the hell outta here, WHERE'S MY HELICOPTER?"  please.

emily is beautiful but there's some lip injections goin' on over thur.

i'm not digging all the papparazzi around.

"i'd feel like such a goober doing this in front of everyone." -kate

now we're onto the group date...

kate's saying ugly things about the dj guy but i won't write them here.

poor charlie.

he's cute.

"i'm the most confident insecure person you've ever met" -steve, about charlie

i'm voting for hair guy.  hair-skateboard guy that is.  i guess a few people could be 'hair guy' this season.

whorin' herself out to kermie.  inappropriate.

i like jef.  "i like how she doesn't think she's cool enough for him.  cause I AGREE." -kate

"why do they keep showing him?!  i can't watch the show if they keep showing him." -steve, on dj guy

JEF.  STEP UP YOUR GAME.  (she totally likes him.)  "best talk anybody's had with her yet."  well, jef, you don't lack confidence.

chopper guy.  blahhhhhhhhhh.  (yes, emily, you are giving him too much credit.  i cannot imagine girls throwing themselves at chopper guy.)

(ooh, but in the dj vs. chopper guy fight.  dj guy 0 // chopper guy 1)

boom.  jef.  kate doesn't think jef's into her though.  we'll see.

we don't remember this guy's name.  the last date.  we're calling him 'mighty fine hair jelly' guy -- in a southern accent.  we don't really love the hair but we're calling him that anyway.

joe!  that's his name.

holding her nose in that pool?  come on emily.

(then we had a discussion about whether we're holder-nosers.  we're not.)

is there really anything wrong with chopper-guy saying the whole 'putting on hold' comment?  i think his offense is a little silly.

"check yo'self before you wreck yo'self."  "before i give you a swirly whirly." (we're just saying nonsense now and have the sleepy haha's.  thus, it may be hard to follow this nonsense.)

joe.  he seems nice.

// here's where my computer died... so i'll try to remember the rest //

emily read a novel while a guy waited in the wings?  AWKWARD.  and rude.  put it aside till later.

i would've said goodbye to dj-stevie (duh) and kept biology-man-with-the-cool-glasses for sure.

alright, that's about all.  your thoughts?

(AND i'm too comp-illiterate for a linkup slash haven't given the time to figure it out BUT if you've got your own commentary haps on your blog, link in the comments cause i wanna seeeee).


  1. I just found out she's from Charlotte, NC and they are filming there - that not too far from me!

  2. Steve has the best comments.

    I couldn't agree more with all of this.

    Oh, and I thought it the show was boring last night. I need more DRAAAAMAAAAAAA.


    I died. Reminds me of how Mike says, "It's a niiice niiight for a kniiife fiiight," whenever he gets around real hicks.

    I liked him. I did. I totally got the hots for hair gel guy while they were on their date.

    Now Doug, you know, the dad that said CHECK IT CHECK IT, I hate him. I hated him from the start, but all this "I'm a dad and so I have the authority on how Emily is feeling" stuff has got to go. When he made the cut I was livid.

    That long letter. So dumb. Love in Christ? (shakes head)

    I also think she's boring.

    I'm still for Charlie. And I'm adding Jef. Cause you know why.


  4. Ha ha! This was pretty great!!

  5. I was all for Ryan until the 7 page letter at the end. Too much. What about Arie, the racecar driver. He seems cool...I liked their chat at the end...he's cool, comfortable, interesting and asked her some sincere questions too. And he doesn't seem involved in the dude drama. Although, would be totally weird if she ended up with a racecar driver again.

  6. Well, now I want to know what novel it was. 50 Shades?

  7. this is hillarious. made my day!!!


  8. I am loving these recaps. SO glad someone is just as obsessed with this show as I :) GUILTY PLEASURE!

  9. Even though it's so silly, I just love the show and your commentary, haha! TOTALLY agree she should have kept biology guy. Agree on Jef too, he's awesome. Helicopter guy needs to go, DJ guy is very weird but I thought helicopter guy was so out of line rude to him and to Doug. And I can't imagine girls all over helicopter guy either :)

    Can't wait for next week's episode!

  10. Ok my thoughts...

    -There was something up with Kalon's face. Either botox or lip injections or SOMETHING. And is it just me or does him name sound like a girl's name (Kailyn??)

    -Her dress she wore before they got on the airplane... fit her like a glove! Ahmazing.

    -Do you think she was sad she wasted the Greenbriar date on someone she didn't really like? I mean she said it was her favorite place and they did the love clock thing and the she sent him home. Do you think she was bummed?

  11. Awesome the recaps are almost half the fun as watching the show! : )

  12. @elizabeth, hahaha. i want to hear mike saying that. on skype. now. and YESSSSS. DOUG! having a kid and being a single parent does not a relationship make. he sucks.

    @callie, true! it seemed like such a special place that i'm surprised she brought someone she was on the fence over.

    @aalaythea, some emily spying? report back?

    @dancing branflake, by novel i meant this crazy long letter from one of the guys!

  13. Someone please explain how DJ guy is still there. Kalan would totally hire someone to cut DJ guy in a fight if it came to it. I hope that happens.

  14. Totally agree she would have kept Aaron Biology cool glasses! sad day!

    They are gonna keep chopper and stevie on as long as they can just for the drama...that is the only thing happening right now!

    And to all the drinkers out there (not that I encourage intoxication but) a shot everytime Emily says "I'm so excited"=wasted by the end of hour 1!!!!!

  15. I haven't watched any of these until last I am totally hooked. And I am just lovin' your commentary!

  16. so my friend does this too, and you'll love it:

  17. Get Rid of the DJ already he is SO SO annoying he should have TOTALLY kept the biology teacher of DJ Whiny I also Like Jef =) and charlie and Arie lol and btw Jef looked totally shocked about getting the rose on the group date he needs to open up his eye's she totally digs him!

  18. LOL love it! BTW - what the heck is a "Luxary Brand Consultant" anyway? I agree - any dude with Louis Vitton luggage is douche-esque.

  19. Definitely would have said bye to the DJ and the creepy man with the goatee and long hair - and kept the guys she sent home. They were actually cute!

  20. hilarious commentary. Mark and I are watching now as we read.

    On though from me, chopper dude's gingham shirt with the white sweater, I think I have that exact same outfit. weird.

  21. clearly I am mid-episode, because I have another comment. what she wore to the pool, was that seriously a bathing suit?

  22. i'm not surprised she cut hipster biology teacher, she's not into hipsters. also would be surprised if she ended up with any of the california guys.

    kalon annoys me to no end, but i'm sure he's sticking around just for the ratings. no one likes him.

    i really liked first date guy (i'm so bad with names), but the long letter was a downer. too much, too strong.

    also, i love having a place to rehash my feelings each week. the husband just isn't into it :-(

  23. You are hilarious. I'm loving the commentary. I love that Steve watches along as well.

    Do you read the spoilers? I did, and am mad at myself for doing so..

    I like Jef & Arie. Can't wait to see what makes her drop the F bomb. That's reality tv in all of its glory right?!

  24. Aaron was my favorite. So mad she kept stupid stevie!

  25. Hey now! I'm a nose holder ;-p almost drowned at age 6 (had to have cpr!) and ever since then I will not go under water without plugging it. Ha!
    I felt bad for Charlie. I can't imagine what he deals with due to his brain injury. I do not like Ryan's it cold there? I think dj Stevie smokes crack and crack is whack! I think Doug did put parenting on hold. I mean he his away from his child. So what was so wrong with what Kalon said? I don't like the guy, but give him a break Doug! And I about crawled thru the tube to punch Emily when she compared Joe to Matthew McConaghey (sp?) she freaking blind?!?

  26. love the commentary. keep em comin.

    black shirt guy bothers me a bit. but i think she'll like him the most. his hair! why why why. and he seemed like an idiot in the kitchen... a man who can't cook or bake sucks to me. doesn't seem so nurturing.

    jef is cool. but I'll be surprised if they hit it off!

  27. This comment has been removed by the author.

  28. i'm late to comment because i fell asleep watching it monday night... not sure if that's more a commentary on how snoozy this season is starting out to be or if i'm just pregnant and tired.

    but dude.

    i'm right with you on all of this.
    (and don't think austin's not chiming in with his two cents the whole time, too! he and steve could have a hey-day making fun of it together!)

    there are a few guys that just fade away - like they're not even on the show. they'll all get clipped soon.

    stevie. i cannot watch him without absolutely cringing. he's icky.

    first-date-bro? i think he's totally a contender but his letter was embarrassing. give it a rest, guy.
    they're totally barbie and ken, though. plastic fantastic!

    jef seems cooler to me than he did at first but i agree with her assessment: too cool for her! she seems too pageant-queen for him, right? and that's not sayin' i think she's lame... she's just southern belle to the MAX.

    loving the commentary, friend!!

  29. totally agree that dj guy should have gone and biology should have stayed.

    i wonder what she'd look like w/ no make up?

    she said "i'm so excited" and "i'm glad you're here" about 1400 times this episode. *nervous pause* "i'm excited." *awkward silence* "i'm so glad you're here." *hugging someone* "i'm glad you're here." enough with it already.

  30. see, i'm not a fan of jef (reminds me a little too much of one too many pretentious pouffy-haired hipsters i've met in my day) but i agree with you - she liiiiiiiiikes him! so much.

  31. This is like music to my ears. Almost like id actually been able to watch it!

  32. This is just too, too good.
    It sounds exactly like my blackberry chat group on Monday nights. Only with less swearing.
    I may be in love with Arie. That's all.

  33. what was up with sending hot biology teacher home and keeping the dj?! cray cray. i like emily but i think she wears too much makeup and needs to spice things up a little bit. of course, i'll be watching regardless.

  34. can she give black shirt guy a rose but not his hair? is that allowed?

    TOTALLY would have gotten rid of DJ and kept the bio teacher..LIKE WTF. Steve and I are on the same team with DJ. I want to punch him in the face. which may sound harsh, but its true.

    ugh and i got totally second hand awkward with the novel reading while the third wheel looms in the distance.

    emily is super boring. which is not a shock, i knew she would waiting for when she throws the egg and drops the eff bomb.


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(also! if you have a question, check back as i usually answer it here!)


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