the valentine's day that wasn't.

oh guys, you're gonna love this.

you know those times when the day just turns out crappy and you chalk it up to, well, a crappy day?

but then, there's the times when it's a crappy day but the expectations were higher for that day... the expectations were the day would be extra special... and then it's a crappy day made crappier because the expectations weren't met?  

this is why i purposefully don't go big on new year's eve.  because if that holiday doesn't meet your expectations... well, your whole year is screwed.  so the whole 'go big or go home' on new year's eve?  i'd rather just go home (this new year's eve i was in bed by 10 pm and it was one of the best.  put that in your pipe, new year's eve and your stupid expectations!).  

but, i was hoping valentine's day would fall under the extra special category.  is that too much to ask?!?

i started the day with a happy and kickin' baby boy between my husband and i.  "happy valentine's day!" i said to the both of them with a big smile on my face.  bring it, day of love!  i thought to myself.

i made coffee, made steve some breakfast, we shared a hug or two.  the kids left for school and i got a pork roast in the crockpot.  all of this by 9 am!  i planned on sauteeing squash and making quinoa to go with.  look at me go!

steve gave me a present!  my favorite girl scout cookies (samoas, duh.) and a little something from victoria's secret (is this for him or for me?  whatever!  he got me a present!  day of love is going well!).  william gave me dove chocolates, my favorite, and lindsey gave me a handmade necklace.  v-day!  go you!  exceeding my expectations!

the night before i had taped a big heart to his steering wheel and made a love song cd mix.  he was going to discover it momentarily when he got in his car to go to work.  he'll wonder when i did that.  then he'll listen to the songs the whole way to work with stars in his eyes because his wife is so sweet.  points for being uber-sneaky and romantic.  cupid's got nothing on steve and bridget!  i said to myself.

parker took a nap, woke up, and with a skip in my (our) step we went to the grocery store to grab the ingredients for chocolate lava cake and chocolate-covered strawberries.  check us out!  making fancy desserts for the day of love!  on the way home, i stopped at the liquor store to grab a bottle of champagne.  champagne, some lingerie, chocolate covered strawberries... we'll always remember this valentine's day!  

parker and i returned home, smiles on our face.  the kids will be home soon!  i'll give them their little valentine's day presents, and we'll make dessert together to be eaten after dinner.  that dinner that i started making hours ago!  remember?!  

upon entering the house, i smelled it.  dog poop.  no, dog shit.  dog shit everywhere.  gracie had apparently lost control of her bowels in the 45-minutes we were gone and pooped everywhere.  in multiple rooms on the first floor.  on wood, on rugs, on her own bed (what?  pooping where you sleep, gracie?  really?).  said rug being one of the only places on the first floor where i confidently put parker down knowing it's clean, new, and frequently vacuumed.  he can tumble around and go all face-down-mouth-open on that rug.  the rug that now had shit, soft shit, in multiple places on it.  

all the vim and vigor i was feeling for this day was gone in an instant, my friends.

i called steve, almost crying.  "we are getting rid of gracie."  (don't judge me.)

then, i proceeded to clean it all up.  all eighteen pounds of it.

the rug, a fairly shaggy rug, would be impossible to clean without a professional.  when steve came home, instead of being presented with chocolate covered strawberries, a bottle of chilled champagne, and a wife who was wearing some black lacy undergarments (underneath my clothes, people), he got me: a frazzled, pissed wife who'd entirely forgotten it was valentine's day at this point.  he patiently took every book off our book shelf, rolled up the rug (nearly brand new rug, remember?) and put it in the car for it to be taken to the cleaners.  the champagne stayed in the fridge, the chocolate covered strawberries weren't made, and the chocolate lava cake sort of sucked.  

then we drew up a contract (literally, a contract.  that was typed up and signed by the kids.) about how they are going to walk her (until she poops, dammit!  what a novel idea!) every morning so that gracie will hopefully leave her poop outside instead of inside.  on everything.

i fell asleep putting parker down at 8 pm.  sexy.  and then when i woke up at 10:30 and realized i fell asleep, i went downstairs, steve and i emptied the dishwasher together, and then we went to bed together.  this day needed to be put behind us.

so, it was very much the valentine's day that wasn't.  

this song feels appropriate.  cause folks, love needs a holiday sometimes.  i know, that's two country songs in one week.  what of it?!


  1. wtf gracie.

    scout must have sneak skyped her and been a bad influence.

    sorry girl, I know how dog poop can really ruin a good day. maybe today can be a vday re-do.

  2. dog shit ruins everything :( you'll just have to have a Steve-and-Bridget-day all to your selves soon !

  3. Noooo! Gracie! Why do dogs do that? So sorry. Coming home to poo is the least sexy thing ever.

  4. um yes. I had an awful, terrible, no good very bad day yesterday too.
    it involved a husband asleep by 845pm.

  5. AW SHIT! That sucks! I had one of those days too...not involving dog shit but involving a husband not liking the dinner I prepared of baked salmon, sweet potato and broccoli. However, he did realize what an ass he was being and appologized the rest of the night. Damn expectations!

  6. Plumbing gone awry is what I was greeting with when I came home, and my plans of cooking, baking, and having a picnic in the living room were dashed to hell. At least my poop issues were contained to pipes! I think we are doing a redo tonight or sometime next week, hopefully you guys can do one as well!

  7. love this song! sorry your Valentines day wasn't how you dreamed it but I think the contract is a good idea.

  8. wow. i thought mine was tough. but all that dog s@#% definitely tops my day. oh gracie.

  9. You know what? That was sort of like my Valentines day. *sigh*.

  10. Damn.

    But you are going to laugh about this one later. Whenever I'm having an off day, I call my friend Amber and make her tell me about the time her dog poop-sploded everywhere in her apartment...and how she waited for her husband to come home so he could see it too. It doesn't sound that funny, but god she tells it so good.

    Re-do that shiz (the good kind) tonight!

  11. Gracie. Impeccable timing, let me tell you. Was the roast good at least?

  12. This reminds me of when I was a nanny and the family I worked for had a dog they never walked. The first time she went all over the living room, I cleaned up it. The second time, I refused. They had an invisible fence; how hard is it to let the dog out in the morning? Your contract is a good idea!

    I hope the pork roast was delish, at least!

  13. hahaa oh gracie.
    dogs always have the best timing

    i love your necklace :)
    and the shirt under it!

  14. Haha poor you. And Gracie dog. She probably didn't feel too good either.
    But somehow I'm sure you'll have a fond memory of this Valentine's Day.
    I do love the contract idea. What an efficient solution to a "shitty" problem.

  15. oh jeez. gracie, the cock block. that must have been so frustrating.

    maybe tonight can be a make up day of love? ;)

  16. Dog poo. The worst.

    The upside? You'll laugh really hard at this next year.

  17. Yes, that totally sucks, and yes, I have also been talking about getting rid of my dog. But who gets rid of their dog when they have a baby? Everyone, which is why I can't fall prey to the cliche. Plus I love her. Or used to?
    Anyway, here's what you need to recover: HOMEMADE SAMOAS!! I made them and would suggest halving the recipe and putting it in a 9x13 still, because mine were too thick. http://pinterest.com/pin/45036064993501057/
    My computer is having issues, so if that link doesn't work, search on bakingbites.com!
    Hannah at www.thrivingthirty.tumblr.com

  18. oh nooooo.

    but I love how you told this story. The anticipation was building up! Also, you and Steve are so good at the sharing-the-load thing. Or you're good at asking for help. Something like that. Well handled.

  19. this made me feel a little better about my shit valentines day. thank you for being so selfless for me. love u. ;)

  20. And this is why, when my family begs for a dog, I pretend not to hear them.

  21. What the F is with dogs and new carpets? Here is goes:

    Brand new Stark wool area rug in our family room, diarrhea with a 18" diameter.

    Brand new wall-to-wall carpet in bedroom, log the size of two snicker bars...

    WHAT THE F????

    Sorry Bridget, have to love the contract though...

    Happy February 15th?


  22. well it certainly is a valentines day you will remember. and later (much later) you will probably tell this story in a much different way.

  23. I'm laughing WITH you, not AT you! You're laughing, right?! I remember when we had our wall-to-wall carpeting cleaned. For the first time. It looked brand new again- a perfect cream with no dirt spots. Then the next day I get a picture sent to my phone from my husband who goes home for lunch of what we call "The Dinosaur Dookie" I mean, really? We just paid to have these babies cleaned and Meisha is gonna poop the BIGGEST poop EVER?! She never poops in the house. Ever!! It must be a clean carpet thing, but oh, I'm tellin ya, there are days I say we're givin her away too, so I'm not judging. :)

  24. Oh no, dog poop is the WORST! Our dog will occasionally get diarrhea, and will go all over her crate in the middle of the night and then start barking because she's covered in shit. Being woken up in the middle of the night and then immediately smelling the mess is the most awful feeling...and then my husband I both have to get up, one person clean the crate and the other person clean the dog and it's just so terrible. I'm sorry that your Valentine's Day got ruined, but at least you'll never forget it! :)

  25. hahahaha i am cracking up! what a sense of humor! hilarious.. maybe tonight will be better, strawberries & all!

  26. Oh my gosh! I am laughing (at the scope of it), but crying for you right now. That really, really sucks!! And if my KID shit all over the floor on Valentine's Day I'd give them away, so no judging here. Serious.

    Those days are so defeating though, so really, I'm sorry.

  27. sooo the horse silhouette top in the pic?? must become mine! where did you get it? i have been google-ing "horse silhouette print long sleeve" and have unearthed some disturbing ensembles. HALP!

  28. This is my first time to comment on your blog Bridget, but it reminded me of my day. I thought I would take my toddler son "out" to lunch at Chik-fil-a. (Fries! Playland!) The parking lot was full. Tried to go across to McD's-couldn't get there because of a one-way street. 2nd Chik-fil-a was not a restaurant but a drive through. 2nd McD, Playland is closed, but we got food...and toddler proceeded to throw a huge tantrum after a few minutes. So we left and he ate lunch in the car. :/

  29. wow. that sucks. i'm going to go ahead and say that grant made the right decision when he made me ask for the deposit back on the dog we were going to get before we found out we were preg.

  30. Oh my gosh! I have days like that too that completely unravel and the next thing you're just in survival mode.

  31. Oh, no! Our day was pretty uneventful...but maybe that was better than cleaning up dog poop! Next year, book a babysitter and plan to go out ;)

    Observations on that video: (1) Didn't the Blake Shelton one also start in a diner? (2) If my house were as nice as theirs, I'd also want a nicer station wagon and to stay somewhere better than a crappy Holiday Inn (3) It's not a very good song, musically speaking, even though I love the lyrics. Reba can do better! I have no idea why I felt the need to type all that out.

  32. awww gracie!!!

    sorry to hear that, lady. shit happens... literally :(

  33. You have decreased my puppy fever. I'm thankful but oh so sorry for your rough day.

    It builds character...right?

  34. One day I came home and my dog had jumped over his gate and eaten half of 3 different shoes, a full bag of skittles and who knows what else, and of course had consequently pooped and puked and peed all over the house. I about killed him. But luckily for me it wasn't Valentines day. And after almost puking while cleaning all of it up, but luckily it wasn't a special day so my whole day wasn't ruined. Sorry yours was. Maybe you can recreate it this weekend?


  35. Oh man! And I thought it was bad that my dog just sat on me with her shitty poo bum fresh from doing the deed outside! So sorry to hear about that, a re-do sounds like a good idea!
    LOVE that song btw! If I keep watching your vids I'll be a country fan yet! :)

  36. Eh, We watched a movie on demand and when I went to bed, one of our cats jumped up on the bedside table, knocking over my water glass and breaking it, so I spent the next twenty minutes picking up shards of glass in a sleepy delirium and shouting at the poor animals.

    It's a lot of pressure for a school day.

  37. sorry about the poop-a-thon but it sounds like it will indeed be a valentine's day not soon forgotten...

    and, honestly, other than said poop, your day sounded pretty dang nice! xx

  38. I am so sorry your special plans got shit on...
    We had the exact same thing with our German last week. I wanted to fully burn the house down!
    I hope the rest of your V-Days are perfect!

  39. ok. seriously. i actually read this entire post aloud to husband {which doesn't happen often} and we laughed for realz.

    thanks for keepin' it real girl.


  40. @ambercheez, f21! and it's short sleeved!

  41. Oh my gosh...I am crying I'm laughing to hard...I'm sorry! I can't help it! So funny!

  42. Oh so sorry about the poop issue! It just ruins everything.. But you know,that is with pets,something just happends when you are not expecting anything :p and for walking the dog(or any other thing with the pet) the parents cannot trust that the kids will always do it, so the responsability is still on the parents shoulders. I know it,I had a dog when I was a kid and my dad needed to take her out many times too ;)

  43. OH no!!
    It was all going so well too.
    That's just well....shitty.

  44. Can I say thank you for posting the truth of life...sometimes it is full of ****! I get despressed sometimes reading blogs where everything looks like a magazine and life appears to always be perfect! When you have five kids, it does not look like a magazine. It's wonderful at times and it sucks at times, but that is real life....thanks for making us all smile and feel a little better that we don't live a "magazine" life!

  45. ohh no!!!!! seriously that's the worst when you walk into a house full of dog crap... my dog still poops in the house sometimes and everytime i come home i have to hold my breathe hoping she didn't this time...
    well maybe you can re-do valentines day today :)

  46. You poor thing! On the bright side you have strawberries and chocolate in the fridge... sneaky daytime mommy-snacking anyone? xox Amy


  47. blah...i said the same thing to my hubs yesterday bc our dog keeps peeing since baby came home!! ahhh!

  48. haha!! thanks for the laugh! I needed it! Especially the "soft poop". I laughed out loud.
    the good news is you can take on that bottle of champagne now!

  49. WTF? I would have been PISSED too!! Was she sick or something? How did she manage to shit ALL OVER? UGH.

    I know she's an animal and probably couldn't help it, but like, couldn't she have kept it in one place, preferably on hard wood or linoleum? RIGHT? IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?!

    I'm sorry your day turned out to be such a bummer. There is always next year.

  50. Hahahaha... Well at least this makes for a really good story!

    Have you ever come home to a dog that has miraculously escaped from a closed and locked crate (the logistics of this are difficult to explain) because he shat in said crate (nay, diarrhea-ed), and then proceeded to shit all over your bed, under your bed (how is that even possible?) and to add insult to injury, also chewed a hole in your mattress? That is a true story, my friend. Cooper back in his glory days. Those dogs were little hellions, to say the least.

    But it wasn't Valentine's Day. You win.


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